Friday, 20 January 2012

The World is Orange

As a self confessed bronze in a bottle fan, this may appear to be somewhat of a paradox, but the message is important. This may not be as apparent an issue Stateside but, my heavens, it's a pressing matter here. Remember Cher's line in Clueless where she is visibly disgusted by a group of several guys dressed in stereotypical 90s outfits who faff around "I don't wanna be a traitor to my generation and all.. and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so." I relate to this, however it's the tanranktastic, tacky, dirty looking orange women walking around that I want to vilify. Where did this look come from? Who initiated it? For me, I feel one queen bee of the cliquey housewives got a dodgy spray-tan and when coming upon a chance meeting with one of her social circle, claimed that Vogue and Marie-Claire had declared orange was the new black, and thus started a bad smelling, sheet staining, trail making revolution. Similar to Regina George and her cut-up vest top. I'm certainly not above the odd false tan or foundation mishap, but I choose to rectify it and not promote my leper like skin to the world with pride.

I sincerely worry for my generation, and the younger one following. A good 50% of women and girls that I see on a day to day basis look like they've been violated by the Dulux dog. I also sympathise for men of the world, the luminescent tinge emitting from many of women must make you reel in revulsion, considering the remaining women in the world do so too. This necessity to become an orange ambassador has to stop, I'm not abject to tan whatsoever, I love it, but please keep it in human hues.

Ooompa, loompa, doopity doo.

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